For those of you who don’t know, I’m a gamer.
It’s one of my deepest passions—right up there with anime and wrestling (specifically WWE, yes I’m a mark!). These things didn’t just entertain me; they shaped who I am. Maybe it’s unfair to put that weight on them, but it’s the truth. It’s funny how the things we love, even when they’re objectively mediocre, can become so integral to how we think.

Take Crash Bandicoot: Twinsanity, one of my all-time favourite games. I might even review it someday. But there’s one line from the game that stuck with me for no real reason:
“The rats are leaving the sinking ship.”
It’s an old idiom, meaning people abandon a failing situation—whether it’s a business, a project, or something more personal—before it completely collapses.

So why am I starting this post with that line?
Because since I returned home, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve caught myself wondering if all the effort I’m putting into maintaining my progress—the training, the discipline, the momentum—is a waste of time. That maybe I should just let the rats leave.

But why?
Why was a month back in Ireland enough for doubt and negativity to creep in? Why does fitness feel different when I’m traveling versus when I’m just… living?

Ironically, the answer might lie in structure.
While I was away, I had freedom. I wasn’t working. No one relied on me. I wasn’t important. Now, you could argue two of those three things still apply (fair point), but the weight of responsibility hits differently when you’re home. And like many adults, I’ve found it all too easy to be smothered under that weight.

What’s funny, though, is that responsibility wasn’t totally absent in Thailand either. I often felt like I could have—and should have—done more classes, pushed harder. I wasn’t totally comfortable there either. In a weird way, discomfort followed me both places, just in different forms.
And honestly, I wonder: if I had stayed even one more week after the camp, would these feelings have caught up to me there too?

Here in Ireland, thanks to the support of the great Gavin Meenan (Instagram link) and the awesome facilities of ROM (Range Of Motion Sligo) (Instagram link), I’ve got a new program, a plan, and structure again. Gavin’s kept me on track, helped me keep building on what I gained at camp, and reminded me that the journey doesn’t end just because the setting changes. ROM, for its part, has become one of the few safe havens I have when it feels like the boat is sinking faster.

I’ve been training regularly—at a pace that’s sustainable—and managing my food. Gavin’s helped me pinpoint what’s working, what could be improved, and how to keep making progress. And I’m proud to say that I haven’t just maintained what I achieved in Thailand—I’ve made small improvements since returning.

But that’s the thing—they’ve only been small.

In Thailand, I went from 17st 12lb to 17st 2lb.
Here in Ireland, I’ve dropped just 5lb in the same timeframe—down to 16st 11lb.
Stats. Relentless little buggers, aren’t they?. Gotta love them.

A long way to go but the little things stack up too.

In Thailand, if you walked into a 7-Eleven, the sweets were tucked away at the back. You had to choose to go there. Still annoying (they were near the protein shakes), but less in-your-face.

In Ireland? You’re greeted by temptation at the door. Sweets. Newspapers screaming doom. Prices that make your stomach turn. And staff who—through no real fault of their own—often seem just as beaten down as the customers.

I always try to be kind to anyone working in service—I know what they deal with. But in Thailand, even when people didn’t understand what I was saying, they smiled, laughed, engaged.
Here? Flip a coin. Maybe they ignore you. Maybe they pretend not to hear you (that’s the worst one). Or maybe they try until another customer or manager kills the vibe.

Anyway—rant over. 😅

Another difference I’ve noticed—and this one stings a bit—is how cliquey things feel here compared to Thailand.

Back at camp, everyone was on the same journey. Different backgrounds. Different goals. But the energy was shared. You could chat with anyone, partner up with anyone, and no one looked at you sideways for trying. It felt like a team effort, even if we were all on our own paths.

Back in Ireland, I can’t help but feel like the walls are back up. Whether it’s at the gym, in a class, or just walking around town, there’s this sense of social territory. Like if you weren’t already part of a group, you’re probably not getting in now.

ROM has introduced something that could help with that—a communal coffee zone and a sauna (coming soon). It’s a beautiful idea, and I really hope it breaks down some of those invisible walls. For me I look forward to giving it a go, so if you ever spot me there pull me aside and say hello

Maybe it’s just me.
But it does make you long for a change of setting—somewhere like the pub, where people are more open, more free. But of course, with alcohol comes chaos: louder crowds, more aggression, more questionable decisions.
I haven’t had a pint since I got back, but resisting the temptation hasn’t exactly been easy.

So yeah—these pressures have made me question things.
The worth of the work.
The why behind the grind.

So why am I really feeling this way?

I’m not entirely sure yet. But I do know I plan to figure it out.

Once I settle into the new job and adjust to being truly back in Ireland, I want to keep expanding my horizons. Visit more of Ireland. See more of Europe. Take on new challenges. Try the things I’ve always said I would but never followed through on.

Maybe I’ll finally do the skydiving I promised myself 15 years ago—despite the fear of heights.

All I know is this:
Looking back at the difference in atmosphere, camaraderie, and joy between this past month in Ireland and the one I spent in Thailand… it’s clear something changed in me.

That’s why I genuinely believe every young person should have a travel fund waiting for them on their 19th birthday.

One month away changed me.
Maybe it could change them too.

I’ll leave you with the final image of the main meal I have been forcing onto myself almost everyday. Yes not having change in meals is boring but what can I say I am a creature of habit but it fuels the mission. (Still waiting on Gordon Ramsay’s review).

Two breasts of chicken with salt and pepper in a shallow fry with rapeseed oil and Balsamic Rice with salt, pepper, ground turmeric, smoked paprika and plenty of stirring

Oh and since no one have yet to complain the new closing line from my twitch streams (link here and below shameless plug) will stick around for now…

Slán go fóill! And Póg mo Thóin! My Craic Addicts!