“Growth doesn’t always look like progress. Sometimes growth is simply refusing to stop“– Craic Attack
The above quote is something I have been thinking about for a while.
After a reset period in Thailand last year, a Microsoft contract, and some tough personal challenges (including nerve reconstruction surgery), I’m currently in a job search again. Here’s a more personal reflection on why I’m staying focused…”
Its because I set myself a goal. Continue to improve both mentally and physically from where I was when I left for Thailand on the 16th of January 2025 to when I arrived back to Ireland on the 28th of February 2025
43 days. In those 43 days I learned a lot about myself. The level of hardship I had been dealing with up to that point and what I need to do to overcome it.
And so back in Ireland I began to go back into the old routine, I was thankful to start the job with Microsoft, I was thankful to continue in the gym under the guidance of one Gavin Meenan (Instagram link), I was thankful for the improvements and growth I began to see under the CraicAttackCentral (All Links Found here!) moniker on the streaming side of thing
However, even with those positives, another thought kept returning
“This too shall Pass“– Persian Proverb / Anonymous (as shared by Tom Hanks)
I remember as things started to stagnate, as the status quo began to form around my return how easily those 43 days could be wasted. How all of the experience and knowledge could be left in the moment and that the hardships of work and life could cause me to regress to a state the same or worse than I was in before the trip to Thailand.
I mean I had a nerve reconstruction surgery, I had personal slights and hardships that made me question my life and decisions and now I am in the process of a job hunt with no end currently in sight and yet. This too shall pass.
I remember thinking to myself I need to remember that every day is a new day and that it is an opportunity to keep moving, keep growing, keep bettering myself and the world around me and that on days where none of that happens. It resets at 12am and a new day comes for the opportunity to arise again
The work that FatCat Tattoo Sligo’s Isaiah Cummings (Website Link) did for me will always be special because it helps me move forwards and know that no matter what there are bigger and better things for me in the future.
So 1 year 6 months and change after Thailand I might be back on the job hunt but I am almost 2 stone lighter, a mind much clearer and way more determined than ever before My strength is returning. My boxing and cardio is sharper. I’m picking up new skills both technical and practical.
I don’t know where I’m going next. I don’t know when the next role will appear. I don’t know what the next adventure looks like. But I know this: I’m not finished growing.
And neither are you. And while we’re here…
If you know of an opportunity where you think I could be a good fit, please get in touch. I’d be genuinely grateful for a conversation.
My last post on this site came after I promised myself I was going to reflect more, write more, and give more time to my own growth.
And that was my last post.
Since then, a lot has happened for me, and yet it can be summed up in a surprisingly short set of sentences.
My work contract expired. My hunt for a new role of some description has, so far, been fruitless. And now I find myself looking into the abyss for the first time since I left for Thailand — the very journey that started this blog.
Only this time, it doesn’t feel as bright.
The unfortunate thing about a job hunt is that whether you like it or not you are going to build up excess stress.
I want to believe I am being open and free to the possibilities, but after a month and some change of consistently applying, a few outright denials, and a couple of interviews that (due to me writing this post) have gone up the creek without a paddle, I am still on the hunt.
I have been in communication with recuriters because thankfully I not vain enough to not seek support, I’ll take a hand from anyone reaching out but the consisent response is this is a horrible time of year and something should hopefully pop up in the near future.
I respect that and appreciate the candor of telling it how it is but it is funny.
Yet we fight on and know that something will be around the corner
I left myself an unbrella just for such a rainy day and it makes me sick to my stomach to use it.
In comparision to the time I went to Thailand and also had no knowledge of what I was going to do within my career progression, the idea of spending a dime will literaly make me feel ill, It’s a facinating look into my psyche and one I need to work on for the future because and I’m no psycologist but it cant be healthy.
However, that means theres more about me I have to learn and more potential for growth and wonder so ride till I die baby
Thankfully I keep myself in good spirits. I have been working on Hackerrank exercises, improving my knowledge base where possible and setting myself up for the next adventure whereever that maybe. He’s surely sick of me by now but during this time Gavin Meenan (Instagram link) has been a blessing.
Even in moment where everything feels bleek exercise and personal growth are vital and thankfully his guidance has been revolutionary for me
On top of that under this name CraicAttackCentral (https://linktr.ee/CraicAttackCentral) I have continued streaming both as a mean of reliefing the miasma that is my current viewpoint and enjoyment for the gaming I so love and the growth has been nice, small but nice.
“It is in these darkest of times that even the smallest spark can ignite hope“– Craic Attack
So I precist, I march forward, apply to ever job I think I have a chance at, talk to everyone who can lead me to the water, look upon the horizon with a smile on my face and get ready for the next adventure
A whopping Fifty-seven days ago, I wrote a post about how excited I was for the new year — how I wanted to explore myself more, write more, reflect more, and engage more with life, media, and the world.
And Fifty-seven days later?
I haven’t done a single iota of that.
Now here’s the thing — I could be harsh on myself. I could spiral and call it failure.
But in the grander scheme of things… what would that actually achieve?
So allow me, for the second time this year, to reflect. And, for lack of a better word, vent — since not much ink has hit the page. Or in this case, not many keys have been pressed.
Now, the voice in my head — let’s call it the Craic Critic, aka the CC — was ready.
It had the script written.
“See? Falling off already.” “Same pattern.” “Nothing changes.”
Isn’t that the way of it?
A negative voice that overpowers, overwhelms, and makes you feel smaller than you’ve ever been.
CC has a tendency to make me feel like the greatest failure known to man. Wasting time. Chasing things that bring no camaraderie. Putting myself through pain. Not progressing fast enough to justify the effort.
Alas — here’s the thing.
In those same 57 days:
I’ve lost half a stone. My lifts are creeping back toward where they were before nerve decompression surgery on my left arm — with the support and help of one Gavin Meenan (Instagram link). My boxing with Mike Murphy (Instagram link) — while still square and stiff in my own critical eyes — is visibly sharper than it was months ago.
There are literal videos proving that.
Boxing Before the New Year
Boxing from Last Week
And yet when I watch them, I don’t see improvement.
I see:
Too big. Too stiff. Too slow.
It’s strange, isn’t it?
We demand objectivity from the world. But when it comes to ourselves, we let the CC take centre stage.
If a friend showed me those same clips and that same progress, I’d say:
“You’re flying. Keep going.”
But when it’s me?
The CC turns into a Premier League pundit dissecting a misplaced pass in the third minute of a match that hasn’t even settled yet.
So maybe the issue isn’t momentum. Maybe it isn’t discipline.
Maybe it’s that I’ve been listening to the wrong voice.
Progress doesn’t shout. It whispers. Growth isn’t cinematic. It’s incremental. And improvement rarely feels dramatic when you’re living inside it.
Fifty-seven days without a blog post doesn’t erase fifty-seven days of effort.
Maybe the real win this year isn’t perfection.
Maybe it’s learning when to tell the CC to sit down… and let the work speak for itself and if that doesn’t work continuing on anyways
Ah — Might as well continue one thing from the last post and give you my quote for the day.
“Progress whispers. The Mind shouts. Listen for the whisper.“– Craic Attack
Slán go fóill! And Póg mo Thóin! My Craic Addicts!
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For those of you who don’t know, I’m a gamer. It’s one of my deepest passions—right up there with anime and wrestling (specifically WWE, yes I’m a mark!). These things didn’t just entertain me; they shaped who I am. Maybe it’s unfair to put that weight on them, but it’s the truth. It’s funny how the things we love, even when they’re objectively mediocre, can become so integral to how we think.
Take Crash Bandicoot: Twinsanity, one of my all-time favourite games. I might even review it someday. But there’s one line from the game that stuck with me for no real reason: “The rats are leaving the sinking ship.” It’s an old idiom, meaning people abandon a failing situation—whether it’s a business, a project, or something more personal—before it completely collapses.
So why am I starting this post with that line? Because since I returned home, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve caught myself wondering if all the effort I’m putting into maintaining my progress—the training, the discipline, the momentum—is a waste of time. That maybe I should just let the rats leave.
But why? Why was a month back in Ireland enough for doubt and negativity to creep in? Why does fitness feel different when I’m traveling versus when I’m just… living?
Ironically, the answer might lie in structure. While I was away, I had freedom. I wasn’t working. No one relied on me. I wasn’t important. Now, you could argue two of those three things still apply (fair point), but the weight of responsibility hits differently when you’re home. And like many adults, I’ve found it all too easy to be smothered under that weight.
What’s funny, though, is that responsibility wasn’t totally absent in Thailand either. I often felt like I could have—and should have—done more classes, pushed harder. I wasn’t totally comfortable there either. In a weird way, discomfort followed me both places, just in different forms. And honestly, I wonder: if I had stayed even one more week after the camp, would these feelings have caught up to me there too?
Here in Ireland, thanks to the support of the great Gavin Meenan (Instagram link) and the awesome facilities of ROM (Range Of Motion Sligo) (Instagram link), I’ve got a new program, a plan, and structure again. Gavin’s kept me on track, helped me keep building on what I gained at camp, and reminded me that the journey doesn’t end just because the setting changes. ROM, for its part, has become one of the few safe havens I have when it feels like the boat is sinking faster.
I’ve been training regularly—at a pace that’s sustainable—and managing my food. Gavin’s helped me pinpoint what’s working, what could be improved, and how to keep making progress. And I’m proud to say that I haven’t just maintained what I achieved in Thailand—I’ve made small improvements since returning.
But that’s the thing—they’ve only been small.
In Thailand, I went from 17st 12lb to 17st 2lb. Here in Ireland, I’ve dropped just 5lb in the same timeframe—down to 16st 11lb. Stats. Relentless little buggers, aren’t they?. Gotta love them.
A long way to go but the little things stack up too.
In Thailand, if you walked into a 7-Eleven, the sweets were tucked away at the back. You had to choose to go there. Still annoying (they were near the protein shakes), but less in-your-face.
In Ireland? You’re greeted by temptation at the door. Sweets. Newspapers screaming doom. Prices that make your stomach turn. And staff who—through no real fault of their own—often seem just as beaten down as the customers.
I always try to be kind to anyone working in service—I know what they deal with. But in Thailand, even when people didn’t understand what I was saying, they smiled, laughed, engaged. Here? Flip a coin. Maybe they ignore you. Maybe they pretend not to hear you (that’s the worst one). Or maybe they try until another customer or manager kills the vibe.
Anyway—rant over. 😅
Another difference I’ve noticed—and this one stings a bit—is how cliquey things feel here compared to Thailand.
Back at camp, everyone was on the same journey. Different backgrounds. Different goals. But the energy was shared. You could chat with anyone, partner up with anyone, and no one looked at you sideways for trying. It felt like a team effort, even if we were all on our own paths.
Back in Ireland, I can’t help but feel like the walls are back up. Whether it’s at the gym, in a class, or just walking around town, there’s this sense of social territory. Like if you weren’t already part of a group, you’re probably not getting in now.
ROM has introduced something that could help with that—a communal coffee zone and a sauna (coming soon). It’s a beautiful idea, and I really hope it breaks down some of those invisible walls. For me I look forward to giving it a go, so if you ever spot me there pull me aside and say hello
Maybe it’s just me. But it does make you long for a change of setting—somewhere like the pub, where people are more open, more free. But of course, with alcohol comes chaos: louder crowds, more aggression, more questionable decisions. I haven’t had a pint since I got back, but resisting the temptation hasn’t exactly been easy.
So yeah—these pressures have made me question things. The worth of the work. The why behind the grind.
So why am I really feeling this way?
I’m not entirely sure yet. But I do know I plan to figure it out.
Once I settle into the new job and adjust to being truly back in Ireland, I want to keep expanding my horizons. Visit more of Ireland. See more of Europe. Take on new challenges. Try the things I’ve always said I would but never followed through on.
Maybe I’ll finally do the skydiving I promised myself 15 years ago—despite the fear of heights.
All I know is this: Looking back at the difference in atmosphere, camaraderie, and joy between this past month in Ireland and the one I spent in Thailand… it’s clear something changed in me.
That’s why I genuinely believe every young person should have a travel fund waiting for them on their 19th birthday.
One month away changed me. Maybe it could change them too.
I’ll leave you with the final image of the main meal I have been forcing onto myself almost everyday. Yes not having change in meals is boring but what can I say I am a creature of habit but it fuels the mission. (Still waiting on Gordon Ramsay’s review).
Two breasts of chicken with salt and pepper in a shallow fry with rapeseed oil and Balsamic Rice with salt, pepper, ground turmeric, smoked paprika and plenty of stirring
Oh and since no one have yet to complain the new closing line from my twitch streams (link here and below shameless plug) will stick around for now…
Slán go fóill! And Póg mo Thóin! My Craic Addicts!
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Craic Attack Central 